


The Skam collection

by thevangoghiris



Category: Skam - Fandom, even bech næsheim - Fandom, isak and even, isak valtersen - Fandom, isakxeven
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling, Eskild tryggvason - Freeform, Even Bech Næsheim - Freeform, Fluff, I swear I'm not trying to be, I'm far too emotional and this is my release, Isak Valtersen - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, SKAM, Sadness, Sometimes my writing looks like I'm trying to be pretentious, This is just me venting my feels, leave me alone, maybe a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevangoghiris/pseuds/thevangoghiris
Summary: A series of fics about skam. Each can be read individually. Here is the latest chapters summary: 
"Perhaps he could file these moments away in his head for safe keeping in a folder labeled: Moments from the morning after.
He mentally put the folder away next to the one labeled 'You are not alone' and kissed Even again.
Soon he'll have an eternity of moments kept in tiny folders stuffed into boxes in his brain.
He was ready for the clutter. He was ready for the mess. He ready for infinite amount of moments.
He was ready for everything that came with loving Even.
He was ready."





	1. Chapter 1

When he'd gotten home no one had been there.  
Well maybe Lin was there but she never left her room. 

He was still crying, his face wet and cold. Once he got though the door he walked straight into his room and shut the door. 

He leaned back against the door his eyes stuck to the ceiling and he wondered if maybe, this was all his fault somehow.  
Not in a direct sense, but in his head it seemed that maybe he was just so much of a fuck up that everything was bound to go wrong. Maybe he was the Isak who had gotten the universe where everything turned to shit.

After angrily walking home in the cold he didn't feel much of the rage that was there initially. He figured it had simmered down during the walk. Now all he felt was sad.  
It was like his body was filled with sand and his eyes were being crushed by the pressure.  
He took off his jacket slowly and then everything else. Eventually he was in a t-shirt and boxers. 

He plopped himself onto his bed his whole body feeling heavy. His chest felt like it was caving in on itself, it had felt that way all the way home.  
It's just that, he had so many questions.  
So many.  
Why did Even lead him on like that? Why did he make it seem like they would be together? Did he lie because.. Isak wasn't good enough? Was it him? Did he do something wrong? Even could've told him. He would've fixed it.  
Maybe the worst of it was coming to the realization.  
While he was walking home, tears clouding his vision, his legs failing him, his heart crushing under the pain, he realized.  
He was in love.  
He loved Even.  
So much.  
This is why it all hurt so bad.  
He wished so hard that it didn't. He wished that Even hadn't really done what he saw, that it was all in Isak's head.  
He wished it was all some crazy dream, that he would wake up in Even's arms. That he could just kiss him again and forget any of this ever happened.  
But it did happen. This was all too real.  
Even kissed Sonja and lied. He had gained Isak's trust and not a day after, broke it.

He just wanted to forget. And he tried really hard too. He thought of everything but Even.  
He was trying so fucking hard.  
School, Friends... they probably hated him.

Eventually it seemed he was fine.  
Maybe fine wasn't the right word.  
Better. Yea, better. 

He turned over and nuzzled his face into the pillows taking a deep breath through his nose. He took a moment to register the smell and the world seemed so black again.  
The pressure in his chest doubled after a short period of silence and suddenly all the pain, and the rage, the anger, the feeling of utter betrayal, all came back. And it hit him so hard.

His face twisted and he sat up quickly.  
He grabbed the pillow and smelled it again unable to help himself, memories of warmth and Even flooded back, he could almost feel his lips on his own. His throat constricted and it felt as if his heart was coming out of his mouth. He gasped for air and he felt his face become cold. It took a second to realize he was crying again, he could feel his eyes struggling to produce tears.  
Yet they kept falling and he kept tensing. 

And he kept remembering. 

Inside he felt like all these emotions were piling one by one like coins in a perfect and straight stack. 

There goes one more.  
The stack gets taller.

 

And taller

 

Taller.

 

Taller. 

 

 

And then it fell.

And as if he was not in control of his own body, he could feel himself yell as he flung the pillow across the room, his breathing erratic, his heart racing. 

And as soon as the stack fell, the loud crash, the shatter.  
It left. 

His eyes glazed over and he sat there in utter silence for a full minute.  
He was no longer crying anymore. He wasn't sure if he felt anything anymore. His room seemed foggy. 

Maybe it was just his head. 

He lied down slowly and stiffly, he wasn't blinking, his breaths were even.  
He felt cold.  
His head hit the pillow and his eyes shut mechanically and slowly, like everything in his body had become metal and cranks and wires. 

The world around him melted as he lay alone in his bed, a pile of blankets and wishful amnesia. Behind his eyelids he felt like ice.  
At least he had his blankets. 

He slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote that. So yea.


	2. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Isak says "I love you" and Even says it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so after that fucking /brutal/ update today I wanted to make things less sad. I wrote this in wait for the update not knowing how much pain I would be in. Here's a huge helping of fluff. This is like an alternate universe of Isak and Even I'm not trying to predict anything.

The last bell of the day had rung. Isak could finally go home. He didn't really find school that annoying, he almost enjoyed actually. He got to see his friends and having something to do everyday kept him stable. But today he really felt like going home. 

He walked down a staircase and pushed on the door that led to the hallway his locker was in.  
He put the code in but as usual, it did not open. He hit it with his fist and it finally popped open.  
He tried to put his stuff in quickly but of course, just as any other time, everything was a mess and he ended up struggling a lot just to put a couple workbooks away.

He was stuffing in papers, his eyebrows scrunched and his lips pursed, when he heard footsteps coming from his right.  
He felt relief as they stopped next to him and without even looking to see who it was he pushed some books in their direction. 

"Hold this please." He said, and the person did.

He heard laughter from beside him. "You are an incredibly messy person." 

He laughed as well but frowned pretending to be mad, all the while still struggling to put his things in his locker. "Shut up."

He sighed happily when he finally got everything he had in his hands in. All he needed was the books. 

He grabbed them from the hands beside him, eyes still glued on his locker.

"Hey." 

"Hm?" Isak responded.

"Look at me." 

Isak sighed in feigned annoyance but couldn't help the small smile that tugged on his lips.  
He turned to look at Even their eyes meeting. 

He laughed. "What? What do you want I'm clearly busy!" Isak said in as stern of a voice as he could muster while smiling like an idiot. 

Even smirked a little and took a step forward.

"Kiss me."

"What? No! We're at school!" Isak said, eyebrows lifted.

"Um look behind me. They're doing it. Why can't we?" Even spoke calmly but with a smile. He really was just pestering Isak.

Isak looked towards the end of the hall, there a guy with dirty blonde hair was leaning against the lockers a brunette girl pressing him against them. And they were kissing like mad. 

Isak couldn't help but scoff at them but felt himself blush as his eyes met Even's again. 

"I'm not gonna do _that_... but.." He didn't even finish his sentence, he just leaned forward and pressed his lips against Even.  
Isak could feel his smile against his lips which made him giggle into the kiss. Even laughed as well but then brought his hand to Isak's cheek and pulled him closer.  
Isak hummed happily and reluctantly pulled away. 

"Just let me put my books in my locker and then we can go to my house okay?" He said laughing a bit towards the end because Even was still trying to kiss him but since he was trying to pull away Even ended up just giving him little pecks around his mouth. 

"Okay. Fine." Even said stopping and then rubbing their noses together. Isak made no effort to move away. 

"Yeah? You're gonna let me put my stuff away?"

"Mmhm." But still they stayed in the same spot, faces close together, noses touching.

"Ahem." 

Even turned. 

"Oh sorry Jonas." He said and moved to the other side of Isak were he wasn't blocking the way to Jonas's locker. 

Jonas rolled his eyes and jokingly replied. "You guys are gross."

Isak laughed and _finally_ put his things away and closed his locker, which was easy now since he didn't have a certain distraction trying to kiss him anymore. 

He turned towards Jonas and leaned back against Even. Even grabbed one of his arms and nuzzled his nose into Isak's hair.

"Are you guys busy? We're gonna have a little party at Vilde's house, just our friend group." Jonas said.

"Nah sorry I'm taking Even to my house." 

"Oh okay." Jonas replied closing his locker. "Have fun doing.. stuff." He said. He really didn't mean for it to sound like an innuendo but alas... 

"Oh we'll be doing plenty of _stuff_." Even said, his eyebrows dancing and a huge smile splayed on his face. 

Isak groaned and elbowed him in the stomach.

"Ow!"

"See you later Jonas!"

"Haha see you Isak." 

Jonas left and Isak turned around immediately. He shoved Even a little. "Stop being gross."

Even lifted his eyebrows and laughed. "Oh I'm gross?"

"Yah" Isak said matter a factly and with eyes wide, "you are!"

Even lunged forward and hugged Isak tightly still leaving enough space between their faces.

Isak pretended to try to get away in reality he did not mind Even at all, "let me go!"

"I will." Even replied with a tiny smirk.

"Okay then do it!" 

"Kiss me." 

"Nooooo. I don't want to." Isak frowned as he said this but leaned in anyway loving the feeling of Even's lips on his. 

They kissed for a moment, when they stopped Isak rested his face against his boyfriend's.

"Hmm we should go."

"Okay." With a tiny frown Even pulled away completely, already missing the warmth.

"Don't worry." Isak grabbed his hand. 

"We'll drink hot chocolate when we get to my house and make out on my bed." He continued. 

"You promise?"

"I promise."

They started heading out, their footsteps resonating in the now empty hallway.

Isak looked at the tile floor as they walked past the lockers and furrowed his eyebrows. "Hey Even?"

"Yeah?"

A beat. 

And then a deep breath.

"I love you." 

Even stopped in tracks and pushed Isak against the lockers beside them. He leaned in close enough for their noses to be barely touching, his eyes boring into Isak's.

"You mean it?" 

Isak couldn't help but glance at Even's lips. 

"Yeah, I mean it." Then he met his eyes again. "I love you." 

Even kissed him hard his hands on Isak's cheeks. They stood in an empty hallway, kissing intensely for a minute. Their kiss didn't end all at once, it teetered to an end, it had started heavy but ended with Isak and Even smiling and giving each other tiny pecks.

Even finally pulled back fully and took Isak's hand back into his.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff. I'm dead inside.
> 
>  
> 
> Leave a comment if you so please. B-)


	3. You're the worst too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is having issues with his mom and is just overall out of it. Even comes by to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. This one starts with angst but ends with so much fluff you might overdose from all the fluff. I nearly died. Proceed at your own risk.

His eyes scanned across the ceiling.  
Bumps and shadows blurred together, Isak was stuck so deep inside his own head. 

His mom had another mental break. 

He hadn't found out directly since he had decided to block her number and even if he hadn't she probably wouldn't have told him had she had the choice.  
She had apparently been yelling bible verses a few streets away from her house, well into the night.  
At around three a.m. the police got involved.  
They didn't know who she was or the her situation so they ended up arresting her.

Isak had gotten a phone call from the police the next day asking who he was in relation to his mother. She had only given them his number.  
He explained and after a little bit of questioning he was asked to come to the police station to go get her. 

He really didn't have to. And yet he went.

Seeing his mother was hard. 

He knew that none of her issues were technically her fault but growing up he hadn't taken that into consideration. He just grew angry at her. 

Now that he was older he realized he probably shouldn't be mad. And he really wasn't as mad as he used to be but he didn't understand why he even cared at all. 

When he decided to stop seeing her and keeping in contact with her he had thought all the pain would just, go away. That if he wasn't seeing her maybe he could just forget. 

But feelings don't work like that, do they?

So there he was the day after the whole debacle staring at his ceiling and completely out of it.  
Some moments he almost convinced himself he didn't care.

But that would only last for so long. 

After those moments passed it felt like someone put weights on his chest and as they dug into his skin his eyes would blur over and his cheeks would get wet and god damn it he just didn't understand why he had to feel this way.

His breathing started to stutter and he felt himself hiccup as the tears became sobs, he turned to his side and curled up in a ball trying to relieve the pain in his chest. Didn't work but at least he tried. 

He pressed his hands against his eyes and dragged them down intending to wipe the tears away but only smearing them across his face. 

Fuck, he felt so helpless.

"Isak?" 

A couple knocks.

"Isak?"

It was only Eskild. And he really didn't feel like answering so he just stayed quiet.

"Isak I know your in there. Someone's here to see you."

Isak smushed his head into his pillow, "Tell them to go away!"

"They said they only want to see you for a few minutes."

Isak sat up. "Fucking, Eskild.." he sighed in annoyance, he really did not need this right now. 

He stood up and grabbed a towel and wiped his face. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror. 

Well fuck. He looked like a mess.

Great, fucking perfect.

"You can let them in!" Isak called. He sat back on his bed and the door opened a few seconds later. Even was there and Eskild was behind him for a few moments before turning away to leave. 

"Oh. Hi Even." Isak was trying so hard to keep his voice, and himself, steady. 

Even stared at him for a few seconds and then walked in slowly, closing the door behind himself. 

Isak kept his eyes down hoping Even didn't notice how red his face was.  
A few moments of silence passed before Even walked to the bed and sat the end of it, diagonal to Isak. 

"Um.. so." Even took a breath and looked at Isak lowering himself a little to try to catch a glimpse of Isak's face. 

"Why haven't you gone to school for the passed two days? Or answered my calls or texts?"

Silence.

"Isak. Hey, I'm not mad okay? I'm just... worried. Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

Isak finally looked up to meet his eyes and sighed. He hesitated for a few moments before he finally worked up the courage to say, "No." 

He looked down again and grabbed his blanket tightly as tears began to drip down again.

He gasped a little and then brought his head up and repeated himself. 

"No." 

Isak's teary eyes looked at Even's helpless ones. 

Even took a deep breath. "Tell me what to do."

Isak laid down flat on his bed belly up and made grabby hands towards Even.

Even couldn't help but smile a little before he got up.

He laid practically on top of Isak, his head in the crook of Isak's neck and his arms to the side of him. 

Isak wrapped his arms around Even's neck and let his fingers play with the hair at the nape of it. He rubbed his cheek against Even's and took a deep breath. 

The weight of Even on top of him was different to the weight of his sadness.  
Even was warm. He was warm and he smelled like, well... can love have a smell? Perhaps that notion only made sense in Isak's mind.

They laid there, letting themselves just bask in the peaceful silence that had developed around them besides Isak's occasional sniffles. And suddenly Isak didn't feel so sad.

It wasn't like he could forget everything now that Even was here but Even was made of pure comfort. And that helped. More than he could ever explain. 

He held Even tighter and turned his head and kissed Even's cheek three times in a row. 

"Thank you." 

Even closed his eyes and moved his hand to Isak's shoulder. 

"I didn't do anything."

"I know it's just... I don't know, just thank you."

Even hummed in response and softly kissed Isak's neck. "I love you."

Isak smiled. "I know." 

Even huffed out a tiny laugh then turned over and pulled Isak with him so that he was sitting on top of him. 

Isak leaned down so their foreheads touched and they just looked at each other.

"Your a dumbass." 

Isak scoffed. "Why?!"

Even gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Because you're supposed to say 'I love you too' not 'I know'."

Isak laughed and gave Even a long but soft kiss. 

Their lips parted with a tiny noise and Isak sighed and rubbed their noses together.

"I love you too."

Even smiled up at him. "Good. You can shut up now and kiss me again."

Isak breathed out a laugh and kissed him again, their mouths opening and closing, and Even, as always, sneaking tongue into the kiss. 

Isak broke away and pressed light kisses all around Even's face, intentionally looking like he was going in for the lips but missing completely. 

"Nooo. You're the worst." Even whined trying to move his face to catch Isak's lips but failing.

Isak smiled down at him and then leaned down to kiss his nose. "Don't care." 

Even tried to kiss him again but Isak moved at the last moment to kiss his cheek instead. 

"Nghh no you're not supposed to say that!"

Isak laughed and pressed a kiss next to Even's eye. 

"Oh okay then." Isak finally kissed Even's lips again and pulled away, "You're the worst too."

Even laughed loudly leaning his head back.

"That only works for 'I love you's." 

Isak smiled keeping his face close to Even's.

"Oh sorry. Didn't realize." He said sarcastically. 

"Your so stupid." Even laughed. 

"Shut up and kiss me again." Isak carded a hand through Even's hair. 

Even leaned up a little to kiss Isak's nose. 

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm an emotional wreck. I just want them to be happy *sobs*.
> 
>  
> 
> Leave a comment if your feeling up for it  
> Please


	4. Everyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyday since they've started dating...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one! It's pretty short. I'm feeling emotional about Isak and Even especially since they are now FINALLY boyfriends. Reminder that all of these chapters can be read individually and are not connected :)

Everyday they would walk to school together.

Mornings were usually quiet, only the sound of their footsteps and steady breathing accompanied with the distant sounds of cars and people would surround them.

Sometimes when they were at a stop, waiting for a traffic sign to change or standing on the bus Even would look over at Isak. 

He couldn't help but stare. Isak always looked so calm in the mornings, so soft. 

He liked to stare at Isak like this and tried to to melt this image of... calmness, into his brain. And every time, Isak would catch him and stare back and his lips would form a smile and his eyes would brighten. 

Sometimes if Isak was feeling brave enough he would smile and lean forward and press his lips softly to Even's. 

Even loved those moments.

Everyday at school they would never leave each others minds. 

Maybe it was only because they were in the honeymoon phase of their relationship but every time Isak would kiss Even with relief and smile after being apart for a few hours Even knew what he had with Isak was something more.

He could feel it.

Everyday after school was over they would meet at Isak's locker. 

Sometimes they would stand there for a long time, both of them leaning against the lockers, talking. Talking for so long that the halls would empty and the only noise around them was their voices and laughter. 

In moments like this Isak would pull Even towards him so he was standing in between the locker and his boyfriend. Even's hand would wander its way into Isak's hair and Isak arms would find their way around Even's neck and their lips would connect and melt together. And then Even would pull back and run his thumb against soft pink lips and his heart would burst. 

Other times they would go to Isak's place and there they would stay on Isak's bed doing homework at first. But after some time they would always end up laying together in each other's arms, Isak looking up at Even through his eyelashes and Even running his fingers along Isak's back. And everything would be calm.

Everyday it became more apparent that things had changed between them after their first kiss. Isak used to be so afraid. And so was Even. But then they weren't.

Then they realized that it was really hard to be afraid while looking in each other's eyes.

Everyday Isak felt a surge of confidence every time he said 'my boyfriend' as it was such a sharp contrast to the fear he used to feel in just the thought of loving a boy. 

Everyday their confidence would build, their laughter would echo, their hearts would fill with more and more love. 

And maybe not everyday was perfect but everyday they had each other.

They had each other.

And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. Leave a comment please, it would make my day <3
> 
> Also I'm probably gonna start writing some Eva fics because I'm in love with her tbh.


	5. When Eskild got Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Isak texts Eskild that it's all gone to hell. What happens after Eskild gets home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was left so incredibly affected by the recent update. I related so much to it and I hurt so much for Isak. 
> 
> This isn't a meant to predict what happens it's just me venting my feelings through story and hope. 
> 
> Enjoy the bittersweetness.

Eskild turned to grab his phone to quickly check for the time. 

4:46 a.m. 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked over at Isak.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Isak didn't look at him, he just hugged the pillow in arms tighter and sniffled. Then he nodded his head so subtly, Eskild would have missed it had he not been paying enough attention. 

"Okay." 

Eskild moved a bit closer and ran his fingers through Isak's hair the touch making Isak tear up again. 

He watched as Isak closed his eyes, pushing out tears in the process, and snuggled his head into the pillow and taking a deep breath. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Isak looked up, a few shaky breathes making their way into his body. 

He pushed his lips together and then opened them. His voice coming out small, tiny, like if the sound waves were to bounce off the walls they would break.

"It's all my fault."

Another tear fell down and he felt his heart shake again. 

"It's all my fault."

Eskild sighed and shook his head and slouched a little so he could get closer to Isak's level.

"None of this was your fault. You couldn't have caused this, Even's brain doesn't the work the way other peoples do. You had no involvement in that. At all."

He kept carding his fingers through Isak's hair. 

When he had gotten home Isak was on the floor of the hallway crying almost silently.

 

Crying has a use in humans, and part of it is to evoke empathy in others. It helps us bond, communicate. It helps us understand one another. That's why we sob, we cry loudly, it's a scream to other humans for help. A trick hard wired into our brains by evolution to help us stay social. 

But when one cries silently it's for a different reason. It isn't for the sake of help. When one cries silently it's either because it's supposed to be hidden or because the pain is so great, the hard wired evolutionary trick is overridden. And one cries for themselves. Because it hurts more than anything. And no one can help it. 

Eskild eventually got Isak into his room and in pajamas and onto his bed. He made tea, which Isak only took two sips of and he sat next to him and waited. 

After maybe an half an hour the tears had gone down just enough for Isak to be able to talk again. 

He told Eskild everything.

He told him about Sonja's phone calls, about Even's strange behavior, about the hotel, about... about the incident.

He told it all with a soft quivering voice. 

But they didn't talk about it, Eskild just listened.

And after he was done talking they both stayed silent for about an hour. 

And now they were talking about it. Except not really because all Isak could do was blame himself. 

"I know I can't do anything about him being sick, and that, that part of it isn't my fault but...."

Isak stopped looking up at Eskild and laid his head flat against his pillow.

"I told him that I thought it would be best if I didn't have any mentally ill people around me. I let him hang up the phone on Sonja instead of just calling her back myself. If I had known I...." Isak inhaled and then swallowed, tears falling down again and trailing down across the bridge of his nose on onto the pillow. 

Then he started again quieter.

"If I had known I would've told him that I didn't care. I would've told him that it doesn't matter to me. I would've told him that I messed up, that I shouldn't have said what I said. I would've ... I would've..." 

His breathing became labored again, his crying more intense.

"Fuck."

He didn't know what to do with himself. 

"I would've taken care of him."

Isak closed his eyes tightly willing his tears to go away. He wanted sleep. He wanted this feeling to go away. He wanted this all to be over and he wanted to be in Evens arms again. 

He wanted Even so badly. 

"And you know," Isak started again "maybe Sonja was right, maybe he doesn't really love me, maybe I'm just some new... obsession... or something. I don't know."

Eskild smiled a little. "That's obviously not true." 

His eyebrows furrowed lightly in response.

"How would you know that?" Isak replied, not looking Eskild in the eyes.

"Have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he acts around you? The last time I checked people who are mentally ill aren't incapable of love, they're just sick."

Eskild paused for a moment and Isak glanced up at him again.

"Maybe Sonja said that because she was scared of losing Even forever, she probably loves him too Isak. She's scared, just like you. But that doesn't mean she's right or for that matter had any right to even tell you that. She was wrong. I know that." 

"How?"

"I just do Isak." 

After a long pause Eskild could hear Isak's breaths evening out.

When he looked down Isak was asleep. 

"I just do." Eskild repeated and got up to put the blanket over Isak before laying down next to Isak.

He wasn't going to leave his friend alone tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving a comment makes my day so if you're up for it please do so! I'm so sad about everything that's happened. I just really hope that both Isak and Even are okay and I hope things work out for the best.


	6. Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And it's such a cool thought too because it makes this so much more special. I'm the only person in the whole world lucky enough to be with you."
> 
> Isak couldn't help the huge smile that appeared on his face. He closed the gap in between them and kissed Even pushing him onto his back with his enthusiasm. 
> 
> .........
> 
> Then he started to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's an angsty piece of shit. Me!!!
> 
> This is super short. 
> 
> Not meant to predict anything I'm just being emo as hell.

"Do you ever think about how," Isak looked down at Even's shirt and then back into his eyes.

"how everyone in the entire world sees everything differently. They all have different experiences, millions of different eyes seeing different things."

Even smiled lightly and inched a little closer so that their noses were almost touching. He moved his hand up to stroke Isak's face. 

"I have." 

Isak smiled and leaned into Even's hand, enjoying the warmth of it. 

"What do you think about it?" 

Even stared at Isak in that way that made Isak's heart soar, his eyes twinkling and full of love. 

He leaned forward and dropped a kiss on the tip of Isak's nose.

"I think that, if there are millions of different people seeing millions of different things... I'm glad I'm seeing you." 

He kissed Isak softly and leaned back and smiled. 

"And it's such a cool thought too because it makes this so much more special. I'm the only person in the whole world lucky enough to be with you."

Isak couldn't help the huge smile that appeared on his face. He closed the gap in between them and kissed Even pushing him onto his back with his enthusiasm. 

He felt Evens arms wrapping around him as they kissed and he savored the warmth and the pleasure tingling on his lips. 

He gripped onto Even tightly, he was warm, steady solid. 

Then he started to fall. 

It was like the bed and floor disappeared from underneath him and his heart dropped.

Even was gone. 

He felt himself flailing, trying to reach for something, anything, but he just kept falling. 

His heart started racing and a feeling of desperation over came him as he tried to find something to hold onto, the fear becoming more intense as every second went by. 

He hit ground and his limbs flew outwards, his hands clinging onto his sheets. 

Isak sat up quickly in a dark room, alone. His breathing was heavy and he could feel himself sweating. 

He felt around the bed, maybe, maybe he wasn't really alone, maybe the bed was still warm from Even, maybe he had just left to go to the bathroom, maybe this was the dream.

The space beside him was cold and reality came flushing back into his head in a rush. 

What happened during the weekend, trying to call Even the day before and him not answering, the phone call with his dad, his unanswered text. 

He let out a shaky sigh and ran his hands over his face and gripped onto his own hair. He stood up and with unsteady hands, looked hastily for his phone and checked his texts. 

No answer. 

He looked at the time. 

3 a.m.

He tapped on his contact list and then on Even's name.

He stared blankly at Even's phone number his thumb hovering over it. 

He missed him so much and even though he knew Even probably wouldn't be awake right now, everything in him was telling him to call him. 

'Call him' kept repeating in his head, over and over again. 

He walked to his window and pushed the curtains back a bit. It was still really dark. 

He turned back and looked at his empty room. The silence and the darkness seemed so heavy. He thought about the beginning of the dream, how soft and warm it was. 

He wondered if he would have that again.

He glanced back to his phone, the phone number blaring at him. Call him. Call him. 

Call him. 

He turned off his phone and climbed back into bed. He was going to talk to Even tomorrow.

He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to leave a comment it would probably make my whole week <3
> 
> I'm so sad I just want them to get together :(


	7. Moments from the Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps he could file these moments away in his head for safe keeping in a folder labeled: Moments from the morning after. 
> 
> He mentally put the folder away next to the one labeled 'You are not alone' and kissed Even again. 
> 
> Soon he'll have an eternity of moments kept in tiny folders stuffed into boxes in his brain. 
> 
> He was ready for the clutter. He was ready for the mess. He ready for infinite amount of moments. 
> 
> He was ready for everything that came with loving Even. 
> 
> He was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little fic about what happened the morning after the latest clip. 
> 
> I'm a mess.
> 
> Reminder that this isn't meant to predict anything it's just me venting my feels.

There are moments in the morning after you wake up everyday. The whole world is forgotten and everything inside you is at peace. Usually after a few seconds of post sleep bliss reality sets in and you realize that life isn't really as great as it felt just a second ago. 

That morning when Isak woke up, he felt that second of bliss. A soft noise came out of him as he awoke and he snuggled into his blankets and reached out in front of him. 

He felt arms wrap around him and his heart jumped a little. 

His head was tucked into Even's chest now and as he looked up to say good morning he felt like he was living in a world made of morning bliss.

He remembered last night. 

Last night was relief. It was feeling warm even when it was freezing, it was hot, concrete, love. 

Last night was holding each other in the dark, last night was Isak running his nails across pink stained skin, heavy breathes that smelled like love, kisses that tasted like reassurance. 

And this morning Isak woke up in the pleasant haze left over from all of that.

He put his arm around Even's body and nosed gently at his neck 

"I thought you would be gone again when I woke up."

Even kisses his hair.

"Why would I leave?"

"Well I didn't think you would have left it's just that you always get out of bed before me. I thought you'd already have gotten up by now." 

Even's fingertips traced across the freckles on Isak's back. 

"I didn't feel like leaving you alone this morning."

Their eyes met. 

Isak pushed his body up so that they were nose to nose. 

They did nothing. They breathed, they stared, but nothing but silence stretched across many minutes. 

Isak only looked into Evens eyes and it was like they had both made an unspoken agreement to lay there and bask in this moment. 

Then Isak breathed in. 

"I love you." 

Even pressed a warm kiss to Isak's lips.

"I love you too." 

They lay in silence but had a lengthy conversation, their words made out of small kisses, fingers on skin, short glances. 

They just held each other and kissed and Isak tried to staple these moments into his mind.

Perhaps he could file these moments away in his head for safe keeping in a folder labeled: Moments from the morning after. 

He mentally put the folder away next to the one labeled 'You are not alone' and kissed Even again. 

Soon he'll have an eternity of moments kept in tiny folders stuffed into boxes in his brain. 

He was ready for the clutter. He was ready for the mess. He ready for infinite amount of moments. 

He was ready for everything that came with loving Even. 

He was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a bit,, poetic ish... idk I'm so emotional right now. It's super short but I'm writing an AU fic right now which is pretty long!!!
> 
> Leaving a comment will make my day so if you are willing to please do ♥️


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